What is God’s will for children? The apostle Paul answers that question in this section of Scripture. Since we had no young children present in this meeting, we sought to apply the principles found here to adult children. Interestingly, in God’s Providence we just happened to study this section of Scripture on Mother’s Day!
Teaching Notes:
Honoring Fathers and Mothers
Ephesians 6:1-4
Intro: In 5:18 Paul commands all believers to be filled with the Spirit. Then, immediately he speaks of what our responsibilities are in various relationships: wives and husbands; children and parents; slaves and masters. Notice that in each case, he addresses the ones who are under authority, and then those in authority. “Wives, be subject; Children, obey; Slaves, be obedient.” Notice also, that he starts with the closest and most intimate relationship of marriage, and then works outward to the parent-child relationship, and then to the least intimate relationship of slave to master.
Children: notice that as Paul is writing, at this point in the letter, he stops to address the children. That tells us something very important. Paul expected the children to be present when this letter was read in the church. He did not expect that the children would be away from their parents, off in another room, having “children’s church” or “Sunday school” while their parents worshipped somewhere else. “Sunday schools” began in Britain in the 1780’s. Originally they were actual schools set up to educate children who were working in factories all week long. Christian morality was part of the school. By the 1870s compulsory education of all children by the State was established in Britain and the U.S. Now, children were given an education during the week, but they continued to attend “Sunday School” to gain their religious training. So, the whole notion of the “Sunday School” only goes back a few hundred years. It did not exist in the early church, or for most of church history for that matter. Paul had no concept of it when he wrote Ephesians. In our church we believe that children should not be segregated away from their parents, but should worship and learn right alongside of them. In this way we model for them hearts of worship, and minds intent on learning more about God.
This morning let’s look first at God’s will for Children in 6:1-3, and then at God’s will for Parents in 6:4.
1. God’s Will For Children
A. Obey Your Parents
1) Obey: this word means “to hear under.” It means to listen to your parents, being willing to submit yourself to their instruction and counsel. Prov.6:20-22. Kids, when our Dad or Mom talks to you, this means you need to listen. Don’t tune out. Don’t think of all your excuses for not doing what they are telling you to do. Listen so you can learn from them and obey them.
The Seriousness Of the Sin of Disobedience to Parents: Deut.21:18-21; Romans 1:28-32 – disobedience to parents results from a depraved mind and is worthy of death.
The Example of Jesus: Luke 2:51. Even though Jesus was God and Creator of His parents, he continued in subjection to them.
In the Lord: Paul gives 2 reasons for children to obey their parents. What does he mean by “in the Lord”? He might mean, “children obey your parents who are in the Lord, for this is right.” In other words, “in the Lord” might modify either “parents” or “obey”. If it modifies “parents” Paul is saying obey your parents who are believers. The problem with that is this seems to suggest they only need to obey their parents if they are Christians. However, nowhere else in Scripture are we taught that obedience to parents is limited to whether they happen to be Christians. The 2nd option is probably the right one. “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord.” This is how the NLT translates the verse. I believe this must be the correct interpretation, because Paul uses the very same motive in exhorting wives to submit to husbands (5:22) and slaves to obey masters (6:5-8). All of them are to obey and submit “as to the Lord.” So, children are to obey their parents “as to the Lord”, or “because they belong to the Lord.” The idea is, when we obey our parents, we are obeying the Lord.” Paul tells us in Col.3:20 that this is well-pleasing to the Lord.
This teaches us 2 things: 1) children are capable of having a relationship with the Lord – they don’t have to be 16 or 18 or 21 before they can be saved. 2) Children ought to obey their parents out of reverence for Christ – the same motivation all believers should have for mutual submission (5:21). Even if a child has a difficult time respecting their parents, they can still obey out of reverence toward Jesus. The only time a child should disobey their parents is when their parents are telling them to do something which is sinful.
For this is right: obedience to parents is a manifestation of righteousness. Even nature teaches us this is so. This is the universal code of all the tribes and peoples of the world. Children obey their parents because the parents brought them into the world, are older and wiser. Even in the animal kingdom, offspring are taught and trained by their parents. If they don’t do what the parents tell them, they are corrected.
B. Honor Your Parents:
Definition of Honor: “To love, esteem, respect, regard highly, show courtesy toward.” This is the attitude out of which the right action (obedience) flows. Honoring parents rules out things like grumbling, complaining, and hesitant obedience. The kind of obedience that glorifies God is immediate, cheerful obedience. It is NOT the obedience of the little boy that was told by his teacher to go sit down in the corner. The boy replied, “I’m sitting down on the outside, but I’m standing up on the inside!”
The Importance Of Honoring Parents: Deut.27:16; Ex.21:15,17; Lev.19:3. These passages teach us that a Jew was cursed if he did not honor his parents, he could be put to death if he dishonored them, and that all of them were commanded to reverence their parents.
Why Must Children Honor Their Parents?
It is a commandment: “This is the first commandment with a promise.” Here Paul is alluding to Ex.20:12, and referencing the 5th commandment of the 10 commandments. This is not a suggestion or a bit of advice. God isn’t asking us to do this if we happen to feel like it. That’s irrelevant. It doesn’t matter if we feel like honoring our parents or want to honor our parents. He is God, and we are not!
So that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth: In other words, honor your parents, because it is in your best interests to do so. This promise has 2 parts:
Quality of life: it will be well with you.
Quantity of life: you may live long on the earth. The original promise was to Israel that they would live long in the land which the Lord your God gives you. Now, the land of Palestine has been replaced by “the earth” and broadened out to all God’s people, Jews and Gentiles. Israelites were promised that if they obeyed and honored their parents they would generally speaking, have a long, full life in the land of Canaan. If they broke this commandment, they were in danger of being expelled from the land, which actually did take place eventually. How are we to understand this promise today? Aren’t there many children who honor and obey their parents who die at an early age. Yes, they do. I believe this promise is to be understood in general terms, not absolute terms. All other things being equal, children who obey and honor their parents generally have a long, blessed life. Why? Because they listen to their parents and avoid dangers that cause some children to die young (running into a road, drinking poison, associating with evil companions, taking drugs, drinking).
Application:
1) Young Children Living At Home: Do you want to do God’s will? Do you want to please God? It’s easy. Obey Mom and Dad. When they ask you to clean up your room, mow the lawn, feed the pets, set the table or do the dishes, do it immediately with a cheerful spirit. When you obey your parents, you are obeying God. If your friend invites you over to spend the night and your parents say No, how will you respond? If your friends going to a party & invite you to come and your parents say No, how will you respond? The right outward action without the right inward attitude is not enough. Your inner attitude will affect what tone of voice you use with your parents! To honor your parents is to trust their judgment, believing they have your best interests at heart, and submit cheerfully. Kids, this kind of obedience is only by the power of the Spirit. This drives us back to 5:18. We must be filled with the Spirit. Do you want to be a godly witness for Christ, kids? Obey your parents, cheerfully and immediately, and you’ll be a great witness to your friends of the power of God!
2) Adult Married Children: When children grow to adulthood, marry, and move away from their parents, there is a change in authority structure. The wife previously is under the headship of her father. The headship now transfers to her husband. That means that when the couple leaves and cleaves, they must now take responsibility for their own decisions and actions. But, just because you are no longer living under your parents roof, that doesn’t mean that this command no longer applies. There are many ways you can still honor and obey your parents. You can still esteem them, be courteous toward them, respect them, love them, be kind to them. You can serve them, ask them for counsel, and give their counsel great weight, and financially and physically take care of them in their old age.
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