Christian husbands are challenged here to understand and honor their wives. We had a lot of fun together in this teaching as we ribbed each other on how well we are doing in understanding our wives. Tune in to see what I mean!
Teaching Notes:
The Understanding Husband
1 Peter 3:7
Intro:
We have come in our study of 1 Peter to chapter 3, verse 7. Peter is in the midst of a section dealing with marriage. He begins with, “You husbands in the same way.” The phrase that begs the question is “in the same way.” In the same way as what? Well, notice that in 1 Peter 3:1 we read, “In the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.” The wives are to be submissive “in the same way.” If we look back in the context, Peter has told believers to be submissive to government, and slaves to be submissive to masters. So, when Peter tells husbands, “You husbands in the same way…” he may be saying that just as a citizen must submit to government or a slave to his master, or a wife to her husband, so a husband must submit to his wife. There is truth to that statement. Now, he does not submit to his wife’s authority, or leadership, or headship. But he does submit to her needs. He must seek to provide for her and protect her and sacrifice his own desires, if need be, in the process.
Peter gives 2 commands here: know your wife, and honor your wife. Then he tells us what will happen if you don’t do this – your prayers will be hindered.
1. Know Your Wife: “live with your wives in an understanding way”
A. Understanding Way: literally “according to knowledge.” The husband is commanded to understand his wife. Now that is an impossible command! Men and women are so different from each other, that neither one can really understand the other. But we can sure try. Husbands, we need to do our best to try to understand our wife, her feelings, her needs, her nature, her desires, moods, hopes, goals, frustrations, strengths, and weaknesses. We need to be good listeners and share in meaningful communication. Someone once asked Mrs. Albert Einstein if she understood her husband’s theory of relativity. She replied, “No, but I understand the Doctor.”
B. As with a weaker vessel, as she is a woman: What is this talking about? How are wives weaker than their husbands. Is Peter implying that she is weaker intellectually, morally, or spiritually? No! Often our wives are stronger than us in these areas. Peter probably had a couple of things in mind when he penned those words.
1) She is weaker physically: of course this is not always true, but usually a wife is weaker physically than her husband. So, to live with her in an understanding way would mean that she is not capable of doing the physical things you are capable of. She can’t go out and clean windows or gutters all day long. She can’t carry the piano into the house. Because she is weaker, and you are stronger, you need to take responsibility for protecting her and providing for her.
2) She is weaker in the marriage: In other words, when she married you she accepted her role as taking the submissive place. But, taking such a position leaves her vulnerable, and open to exploitation. So, the husband is commanded to live with her according to knowledge – not to take advantage of his wife’s vows of submission, but to be considerate of her physical condition and submissive role in the marriage. That word “considerate” is good for us to remember. We must consider, remind ourselves of, and think of, her needs and weaknesses as a woman and do what we can to meet those needs.
2. Honor Your Wife:
A. Fellow Heir: you and she share together in God’s spiritual riches equally. Just as you share your financial assets equally because of your marriage union, so too, you share equally in your spiritual inheritance from God.
B. The Grace Of Life: The “life” referred to here is eternal life. This life comes to us as a gift of God’s grace. We both share in this life. Husbands, we don’t have a superior spiritual standing than our wives. She has the same access to God, the same spiritual privileges and standing in Christ that we do. She is not inferior to you in the least.
C. Show Her Honor: means to lift her up in your esteem; acknowledge her value in the sight of God. She is a person of worth and value to God, because she is His daughter. Look for ways to show her that you recognize her preciousness to God as His daughter, and to you as your Beloved.
D. So That Your Prayers Will Not Be Hindered: Wayne Grudem in his commentary on 1 Peter has made this insightful remark: “So concerned is God that Christian husbands live in an understanding and loving way with their wives, that he “interrupts” his relationship with them when they are not doing so. No Christian husband should presume to think that any spiritual good will be accomplished by his life without an effective ministry of prayer. And no husband may expect an effective prayer life unless he lives with his wife “in an understanding way, bestowing honor” on her. To take the time to develop and maintain a good marriage is God’s will; it is serving God; it is a spiritual activity pleasing in his sight.” (Wayne Grudem, 1 Peter, p. 146.) Can you think of anything more vital and important that your unbroken communion with God? Men, when your relationship with your wife is not right, this breaks communion with God. The word “hindered” was used of obstacles in a road that prevented passage. When we are not understanding and honoring our wives it is like talking on a cell phone that is breaking up so you can’t understand what the other person is saying. Peter may be speaking of the prayers of husband and wife together.
Application:
1. Are you living with your wife in an understanding way? Are you studying her and listening to her so that you will understand her? A recent survey: typical couple spends 37 minutes per week or 5 minutes a day in communication. What are 3 things she enjoys doing most? What are her 3 greatest fears? Where is she strong? Where is she weak? So often we assume our wives feel the same way we do. What a mistake! She feels very differently from us. Need to do our best to understand her!
2. Are you honoring your wife? One of the ways we can do that is by complimenting our wives. When we thank them and show appreciation for something they have done, it is a way of honoring them. We need to refrain from speaking negatively about our wives to others. We need to honor them, especially in the spiritual arena. In other words, we need to build our wives up spiritually. We need to reinforce to them how precious they are to God. One way we can show honor is by listening to and valuing her spiritual input, being willing to learn from her. Our wives have so much to contribute to our spiritual well-being. By far, the person who has had the greatest spiritual impact on my life is my wife, Debbie. Let your wife know how valuable and important she is to you.
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