The Christian Family

The Duty of Fathers – Pt. 1

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The Duty of Fathers – Pt. 1

Ephesians 6:4

Paul’s instructions to parents and children are found in Ephesians 6:1-4, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

We have seen in recent weeks, that when Paul addresses children, he gives them two commands which are closely related.  They must obey and honor their parents.  Obey is the action, honor is the attitude. The action of obedience is to flow from the attitude of honoring. Why are they to obey and honor?  Paul gives three reasons.  1) It is right; 2) It is smart; 3) It is pleasing to Christ.  It is the right thing to do.  More than that, it is the smart thing to do because it will lead to a full and happy life, and is thus in your best interests to do so.  But the greatest motivation to obey and honor your parents is because this will please Jesus Christ. If you are a genuine Christian, that will always be the most important reason to do anything.

I hear quite often parents say that they are not going to “push” any religion on their children, but let them choose what they will believe when the become adults. Is that what we should do as Christian parents – do nothing towards the religious education and training of our children? No, a thousand times no! I can’t think of a better strategy Satan could have invented to damn our children than this popular philosophy. Ephesians 6:4 should erase that idea from our minds once and for all. We are told very clearly that fathers are to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Well, this morning, we are going to turn our attention from the children, to fathers.  Paul addresses children in verse 1, but then turns to address fathers in verse 4.

My message this morning is simple. I’m going to ask two simple questions:

• Who is ultimately responsible to bring up their children?
• Why do fathers need to apply themselves to this work?

We are going to ask the Who and the Why questions this morning.  We will save the What and the How questions for another time.

Now, let’s focus on the first of those two questions.

1. Who Is Ultimately Responsible To Bring Up Your Children?

Negatively.

Not the Church.  Paul does not say that the church should bring up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. My friends, it is not ultimately the church’s responsibility to train your children in the things of God. Yes, the church has a supporting role, but only a supporting role. It is not the job of the Youth Pastor, Sunday School, or Children’s Church to bring up your children.  It’s not.  The sooner we recognize this, the better off our children will be. If this is true, then we should never think that just because we take our children to church, we have done our job!

Not the School or Pre-School.  This is true, even if you pay to take your children to a Christian school. It is not the school’s job to train your children in the things of God. Again, they can play a supporting role, but they are not ultimately responsible for your children. Sometimes Christian parents feel that if they simply take their children to a Christian school or a Christian pre-school, their job is done. “We’ll leave it in the professional’s hands.”  No! When you stand before God on Judgment Day, He will not be asking you whether you paid to have a Christian school train them in the things of God. The Christian Pre-School has become increasingly popular with Christian parents.  In some cases, it provides a very valuable resource. Sometimes a single Christian mother who must go out into the workplace to provide for her children has no other choice but to take her children to a pre-school or day care center. In these cases, we should thank God that she has that option. Occasionally, an unbelieving husband may demand that his wife leave the home and go out to earn a second income. However, the overwhelming majority of parents who utilize Christian pre-schools, do so in order to maintain a certain lifestyle. They have bought into the philosophy of the world that you deserve to own a new home, and two new cars. Sometimes they say, “We are going to send Mom to work so that we can send our children to a Christian school.” You know what that reminds me of?  Jesus’ words in Mark 7:8 “Neglecting the commandment of God, you hold to the tradition of men.”

Not even Mothers. Did you notice that Paul does not tell mothers that they are to bring up their children?  Paul lays this responsibility squarely upon the shoulders of fathers. Now, to be sure, mothers will be very involved in this process. That’s why Paul tells children that they are to obey their parents (plural). Children must obey both Mom and Dad. Paul tells children that they must honor both their father and their mother. Any mother that loves her children will find herself heavily involved in training and raising those children. However, Paul doesn’t tell mothers to bring them up. He tells fathers to do that. Paul could have said, “Parents, bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”, or “Mothers, bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”  But, he didn’t.

Application

Fathers, you need to come to grips this morning with this fact. God holds you ultimately responsible for the training and raising of your children, not your wife. God will require you to give an account for the job you did raising your children. On Judgment Day, you won’t be able to shrug it off as your wife’s job. No, men, it is your job!  Now, you may legitimately delegate some portions of that work to your wife, but at the end of the day, you have to man up and take responsibility for this. This is your work, and there is no greater and more important work than this in the world.

2. Why Do Fathers Need To Apply Themselves To This Work

I’m going to give you four reasons why we as men must apply ourselves with all our might to this great task.

• Because You Have Played A Part in Bringing an Immortal Soul into the World. Do you realize that when you fathered your children, you were bringing into existence souls that will live forever, either in heaven or hell?! One day the heavens and earth will be destroyed. The sun, moon and stars will cease to shine, but that child you fathered, will live on for all eternity. Have you thought about that lately? When you tuck your child into bed at night and kiss him on the cheek and turn out the light, do you ever feel the weight of this? Does this ever drive you to your knees in prayer that God would have mercy on your child? Your child is not an animal. He is a person, made in the image of God, who will dwell forever in heaven or hell, and you had a part in bringing him into the world!

• Because You Have Passed On The Curse of Sin To Your Child. Since Adam fell in the Garden of Eden, every human being born into the world has been born with a sinful nature, except Jesus Christ. If Adam had never sinned, we can only assume that he would have lived forever in Eden, and his children would have been born with no stain of sin. However, after Adam sinned, he brought forth children who were sinners. Adam’s children brought forth children who were sinners. Every generation has passed down this horrible corruption to the next generation. Satan must have sensed that Adam stood as the head of the human race, and if he could cause him to fall, he would poison the entire world. That’s exactly what happened. The whole human race has been poisoned by sin and corruption. What does that mean for you Dads? It means that not only did you have a part to play in bringing immortal souls into the world, it also means that you have passed down to them your own sinful nature. And, apart from the intervention of God’s sovereign grace, your children will perish in hell for their sin. Do you feel the weight of your responsibility as a godly father a little more now?

• Because God Has Made You The Ultimate Authority in the Family. In Ephesians 5:22-23 Paul says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.”  Now, I realize that many try to say that headship has nothing to do with authority. It only refers to source. However, Paul says that Christ is the head of the church. Does Paul mean that Christ is just the source of the church? Or does Paul mean that Christ has authority over the church? Let’s back up to Ephesians 1:22, “And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church.”  Do you see that headship has to do with being in authority over all things? Therefore, when Paul says that the husband is the head of the wife, he is saying that the husband has authority over the wife. And if the husband has authority over the wife, certainly he has authority over his children. Fathers, you have ultimate authority in your family. And because you have ultimate authority, you also bear ultimate responsibility. Dads, you can’t shirk this responsibility. You can’t tell your wife to raise the children while you give your life to your job and hobbies. This is your responsibility because God has made you the head of that family.

Go with me to Genesis 18:17-19. In this passage, the Lord and two angels have just visited Abraham. As they are getting ready to leave him to go down to Sodom and bring destruction on that people, notice what the Lord says in verse 17, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do, since Abraham will surely become a great and mighty nation, and in him all the nations of the earth will be blessed? For I have chosen him, so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring upon Abraham what He has spoken about him.”  Did you notice the language that God uses here? He said that He chose Abraham so that he may command his children and his household! Evidently God believed that He had given Abraham authority to lead his family. Now, what was Abraham to command his family to do?  The text says “to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice.”  In other words, Abraham was responsible to lead his family in the way of godliness and righteousness. He was responsible to instruct his family in the truth of God, and to lead them to obey that truth.  Fathers, this is what God expects you to do. He expects you to use your authority to lead your family into the knowledge and obedience of God’s truth. He expects you to set the tone and the pace for your family. He expects you to teach your children about their own sinful hearts, and the remedy for sin in Jesus Christ.

Let’s look at another example. Turn over to Joshua 24:14-15, “Now, therefore, fear the LORD and serve Him in sincerity and truth; and put away the gods which your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”  Did you hear that? Joshua said, “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” How could Joshua say that? How could he boldly declare that not only he, but also his whole house would serve the Lord? How could he speak for his wife and children? He could do that, because he recognized the authority that God had given him, and his responsibility to use that authority to lead his family to follow God and His Word.  Men, can you say that this morning? Can you say, “As for me, and my house, we WILL serve the Lord!”  Now men, of course you can’t convert your children, but you can make a decision that as long as those children live under your roof, they will obey the commands and will of God. You can decide that as long as your children live under your roof, they will go to church to worship God with you. You can decide that your family will worship God with you in your home. You can decide that your family will gather to read the Scriptures, sing and pray together.  Fathers, this is your responsibility before God.  Let’s look at another reason you need to apply yourself to this work.

• Because You Have A Natural Tendency to Be Passive in the Home. Let’s face it men, for most of us, our wives are much more engaged, and active, and diligent and involved in the lives of our children than we are. Our wives are naturally nurturers. They have a built in desire to nurture and love and minister to their children. Men, on the other hand, seem to naturally be oriented towards their work.

We can see this all the way back in the Garden of Eden. As soon as Adam and Eve sinned, God appeared to them, and pronounced certain curses.  It is very instructive to see what curse He brought on the woman, and what curse He brought on the man.  In Genesis 3:16 the Bible says, “To the woman He said, I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children; yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” God brought frustration into her life in the realm of her family. She would experience pain in childbirth and subjection to her husband. The curse she had to bear had to do with husband and children.

Now, how did God bring curse the man?  Look at Genesis 3:17-19, “Then to Adam He said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree about which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat from it’; Cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you; and you will eat the plants of the field; by the sweat of your face you will eat bread, till you return to the ground, because from it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”  Do you see the difference between how God cursed the woman and how He cursed the man? The woman was cursed in relation to her husband and children. The man was cursed in relation to his work. He would have to toil and sweat to provide for himself and his family. The ground would produce thorns and thistles. In this I think we can see that the woman is naturally oriented towards her family, while the man is naturally oriented towards his work. That’s why when men get together they naturally  enjoy “shop talk.” They talk about their jobs, and their challenges, and how things are going there. Women, on the other hand, naturally start talking about how things are going in their families. If you would permit me to paint with a broad brush, women are more relationship-oriented, while men are more task-oriented. Now, I know that there are exceptions to this, but I do believe this is a generally accepted difference between the genders.

All of this means that your wife will probably be more naturally drawn to ministering to the children, while you are more naturally drawn to serving out in the workplace. That’s why Paul needed to exhort the men to bring up the children. Left to themselves, they would have left that to their wives. But it’s  ultimately not their wives job. It is theirs!

Let’s look at another example. Turn with me over to 1 Samuel 2. There we are introduced to a man named Eli. Eli was a priest in Israel at that time. He had two sons named Hophni and Phinehas.  1 Samuel 2:12 says, “Now the sons of Eli were worthless men; they did not know the Lord.”  You see, these two sons of Eli were priests as well. You might say they were in full-time ministry. They were religious professionals. Here you have the unsavory situation of unregenerate men in the full-time service of Jehovah. And so it has always been. There have always been unsaved men in full-time ministry. George Whitefield made quite a stir when he preached against an unconverted ministry in the 1700’s. Friends, there are still many today who occupy sacred positions who do not know the Lord!

So, how did they conduct themselves. Look at verse 13-17, “When any man was offering a sacrifice, the priest’s servant would come while the meat was boiling, with a three-pronged fork in his hand. Then he would thrust it into the pan, or kettle, or caldron, or pot; all that the fork brought up the priest would take for himself. Thus they did in Shiloh to all the Israelites who came there. Also, before they burned the fat, the priest’s servant would come and say to the man who was sacrificing, “Give the priest meat for roasting, as he will not take boiled meat from you, only raw.” If the man said to him, “They must surely burn the fat first, and then take as much as you desire,” then he would say, “No, but you shall give it to me now; and if not, I will take it by force.” Thus the sin of the young men was very great before the LORD, for the men despised the offering of the LORD.”

What is all this talking about?  When the priest would offer a sacrifice for the people, the fat was always the Lord’s. The priest would burn the fat as a burnt offering to the Lord. Afterwards, a portion of the sacrifice would go to the priest and another portion would go to the offerer. These worthless sons of Eli were taking the portions of the sacrifice that should have gone to God, and then they were taking whatever portions of the sacrifice they wanted which should have gone to the offerer.  If the offerer objected, the priests servants would take it from them by force.  Notice how God viewed the actions of Hophni and Phineehas in verse 17, “Thus the sin of the young men was very great before the Lord, for the men despised the offering of the Lord.” These men, who should have devoted themselves to the glory of the Lord, instead were steadily desecrating the holy things of God.

And that’s not all! Verse 22 says, “Now Eli was very old; and he heard all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who served at the doorway of the tent of meeting.”  Not only were these worthless men using the priesthood as a way to satisfy their fleshly appetites, but they were also using their “job” as a way to exploit women sexually!  These men showed a blatant disregard for the holiness of God the whole time. There was no fear of God before their eyes!  They were using the things of God to satisfy their carnal appetites!  What could be more wicked in the eyes of the Lord?

So, how does Eli respond to all this?  Verse 23-25 says, “Why do you do such things, the evil things that I hear from all these people? No, my sons; for the report is not good which I hear the LORD’S people circulating. If one man sins against another, God will mediate for him; but if a man sins against the LORD, who can intercede for him? But they would not listen to the voice of their father, for the Lord desired to put them to death.”  Now, didn’t Eli correct his sons?  Sort of, but not really.  He said, “Boys, you shouldn’t be doing these things. People are talking!”  Eli’s response was a wimpy, whiny complaint. He didn’t have the backbone to stand up to his sons and tell them, he would not tolerate their sin. He did not do what he should have. Eli should have restrained his sons, or forced them out of the priesthood, but he allowed them to continue while protesting mildly.  He seems to be more concerned that people are talking about their behavior, than he was about how their behavior dishonored the Lord.

How does God respond to all of this? He sends a prophet to Eli with a message. Verse 27-34, “Then a man of God came to Eli and said to him, “Thus says the LORD, `Did I not indeed reveal Myself to the house of your father when they were in Egypt in bondage to Pharaoh’s house? `Did I not choose them from all the tribes of Israel to be My priests, to go up to My altar, to burn incense, to carry an ephod before Me; and did I not give to the house of your father all the fire offerings of the sons of Israel? `Why do you kick at My sacrifice and at My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling, and honor your sons above Me, by making yourselves fat with the choicest of every offering of My people Israel?´ Therefore the LORD God of Israel declares, `I did indeed say that your house and the house of your father should walk before Me forever´; but now the LORD declares, `Far be it from Me — for those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me will be lightly esteemed. `Behold, the days are coming when I will break your strength and the strength of your father’s house so that there will not be an old man in your house. `You will see the distress of My dwelling, in spite of all the good that I do for Israel; and an old man will not be in your house forever. `Yet I will not cut off every man of yours from My altar so that your eyes will fail from weeping and your soul grieve, and all the increase of your house will die in the prime of life. `This will be the sign to you which will come concerning your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas: on the same day both of them will die.”

Look at 1 Samuel 3:11-14 when God speaks to the young boy Samuel, “Behold, I am about to do a thing in Israel at which both ears of everyone who hears it will tingle. In that day I will carry out against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them. Therefore I have sworn to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli’s house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever.”  He had honored his sons above God.

Now, why was Eli so passive, when his sons were committing such gross immorality?  I believe there is an answer in the story. 1 Samuel 4:18 says, “When he mentioned the ark of God, Eli fell off the seat backward beside the gate, and his neck was broken and he died, for he was old and heavy.”  This doesn’t mean he was a little bit overweight or out of shape, but that he was obese. How did that take place. Look back at 1 Samuel 2:29, “Why do you kick at My sacrifice and at My offering which I have commanded in My dwelling, and honor your sons above Me, by making yourselves fat with the choicest of every offering of My people Israel.”  Eli became obese by giving himself to the lusts of his own appetites. He couldn’t rebuke his sons with any authority, because he was guilty of the same sins as they! Eli was passive in restraining his sons, because he lacked any moral authority to do so. He was indulging his flesh right along with them. It is so true, that self-indulgent parents produce indulgent children. If we do not practice self-denial and self-restraint, our children won’t either!

Eli was a passive father. He did not use his authority to make sure that his family served the Lord. He just allowed them to do whatever they wanted, and even went along with it.

What about you Dads?  Are you a passive father? Are you letting your wife do all of the work of training and raising the children while you kick back in the lazy boy chair and bark out a few commands, “Bring me another Budweiser!”  God commands that fathers be very deeply involved in the lives of their children, disciplining and instructing them in the ways of the Lord.

Conclusion

What about you Dads? Do you see how vital it is that you take up the responsibility of bringing up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord?  You played a part in bringing these immortal souls into the world. You passed on to them your own sinful nature. You are the ultimate authority in your home. And you have the tendency to be passive. You need to shake yourself free from any lethargy, and give yourself to training your children to know and love God. Ultimately, isn’t the thing you want more than anything else in the world the salvation of your children? I know that it is. I know that you would be willing to give up your home, your cars, your jobs, anything, if you just knew that your children would be saved. Well then, take up your responsibility as a godly father, and bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This is your responsibility before God. This is your work! Will you take it up with all seriousness and bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord? We will be talking about what that means in the weeks ahead.  Let’s pray.

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