What does it mean for fathers to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord? What does the Bible have to say, if anything, about spanking? In what areas must a father instruct his children? Pastor Brian speaks to all of these questions in this message.
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The Duty of Fathers – Part 3
Ephesians 6:4
In 1959 the Houston Police Department issued a leaflet entitled, “How To Make A Child Into A Delinquent in 12 Easy Steps.” Here are the 12 steps they advocated:
- Begin at infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way, he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.
- When he picks up bad language, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute.
- Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is twenty-one, and then let him “decide for himself”.
- Avoid using the word “wrong”. It may develop a guilt feeling. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.
- Pick up everything he leaves lying around: books, shoes, clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others.
- Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized— but let his mind feast on garbage.
- Quarrel frequently in the presence of your child. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.
- Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them?
- Satisfy every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.
- Take your child’s part against neighbors, teachers, and policemen. They are prejudiced against your child.
- When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, “I never could do anything with him!”
- Prepare for a life of grief. You will be likely to have it.
Susannah Wesley had seventeen children, including John and Charles. She once wrote this, “The parent who studies to subdue self-will in his child works together with God in the saving of a soul. The parent who indulges self-will does the devil’s work, makes religion impractical, salvation unattainable and does all that is in him to drown his child, soul and body forever.”
We come again this morning to Eph.6:4. In our First Study of this verse, we camped out on the first word “Fathers”. We learned that it is the father’s responsibility to bring up the children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. He has had a part to play in bringing an immortal soul into the world, and passing along his own depravity to that child. He is the head of the family. Therefore, he is ultimately responsible for that child – not the school, church, or even mother. He must not be passive toward his family, but diligently active.
In our Second Study, we focused on the negative command “do not provoke your children to anger”, and we focused on 7 different ways fathers have a tendency to do that:
- Showing Favoritism To Your Children
- Being Overprotective of Your Children.
- Demanding Perfection Of Your Children.
- Being Overly Critical of Your Children.
- Neglecting Your Children.
- Exercising Unreasonable Disciple On Your Children.
- Not Listening To Your Children.
In This Study, we are going to focus on the positive command, “but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
“Bring them up” – literally means “nourish them up to maturity.” It is a word that denotes tenderness, affection, and love. Calvin translated bring them up as “Let them be fondly cherished”. He then emphasized the overall ideas of gentleness and friendliness. So, how are fathers to nourish their children to maturity? In 2 ways: in the discipline, and in the instruction, of the Lord. “Discipline” refers to training our children in action; “Instruction” refers to training our children in words. Let’s examine those 2 ways of bringing up our children this morning.
1. The Discipline of the Lord
Meaning. It refers to “child training”. It came to include the idea of discipline, and physical chastisement. Heb.12:6 – scourging. Applying physical pain to correct behavior problem.
The Rod. What about spanking? Corporal punishment? Politically charged issue. Today 42 nations have made spanking illegal in home. The US becoming increasingly restrictive in this area. Penal Code: “reasonable age-appropriate corporal discipline is not deemed to be child abuse.” It is still legal to spank your child in the U.S. However, if neighbor learns spank children, can notify CPS. Can come out, and if find bruises, deem child abuse, and take child away. What does Bible say about corporal discipline? Pr.13:24; 19:18; 22:15,17; 23:13-14; 29:15,17. “Rod” speaks of administering physical correction.
Who To Administer? Fathers are primary disciplinarians, and Bible instructors in family. Many households have backwards. Dads, must take responsibility here!
How To Administer. 1) Privately. 2) Don’t remove all clothes. 3) appropriate instrument. Wooden spoon. J. Vernon McGee: “I think that the board of education should be applied to the seat of learning whenever it is needed…There is the story of the father whipping the little boy and saying, “Son, this hurts me more than it hurts you.” The boy replied, “Yeah, but not in the same place!” These little ones who simply will not obey need to be spanked. They need a trip to the woodshed.” Practical Points: 1) Questions To Ask: what did you do? What does God’s Word say about it? What must I do? What should you do in the future? 2) Spank for Direct Defiance: not childish irresponsibility. 3) Never Spank in Anger. shows kids venting frustration cuz embarrassed or hurt us. God’s discipline is corrective, not punitive. Heb.12:10. 4) Demonstrate Love. hug, pray. Help understand Dad spanks cuz loves him. 5) Be Consistent! Hardest. Never issue warning w/o following through. Don’t count to 3, repeat self, raise voice. Seek first time, immediate obedience. Story of family camping in S. Calif. Father sees rattlesnake by boy. “Stand still!” Froze. Shot. What if father said, “Mike, if don’t stand still by time count to 3 be in lot of trouble!”
Of the Lord. NLT paraphrases this as “discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” proceeding from Him and prescribed by Him. When discipline, don’t slap child & say, “Don’t do that again!” Show that behavior is against Lord. Correct child w/ Scriptures. Tease & quarreling – Pr.17:14. Disruptive in church – Pr.25:28. Tattletale – Pr.26:20. Angry words – Pr.15:1. Lying – Eph.4:25.
2. The Instruction of the Lord
Albert Barnes wisely warns us that “If a man does not teach his children truth, others will teach them error.” In what areas are we to instruct our children?
The Gospel. Most important thing ever do for child – lead to Christ. More important than providing for health care, college, or who marry. Let child know that you are most anxious about this! How should we evangelize our children? Same way evangelize adults. Only difference is use language they can understand. Speak of God’s Law, Wrath, Punishment, need to surrender to His Lordship. Don’t try to soften gospel message. They need to be alarmed for their soul! 4 Major Areas: God (creator, holy, just, sovereign) – Man (sinful heart, all evil flows from that, can do nothing to earn salvation, helpless) – Jesus (God-man, sinless, sacrifice for sin, resurrection, 2nd coming) – Response (repentant faith or love).
John Angel James, “Almost every parent has some one object which he desires above all on behalf of his children. Our supreme ambition for you is this: that whatever situation you occupy, you may adorn it with the beauty of holiness and discharge its duties under the influence of Christian principles. Much as we desire your respectability in life, we would rather see you in the most obscure, even menial situation, provided you were partakers of true holiness than behold you on the loftiest pinnacle of the temple of fame, the object of universal admiration, if, at the same time, your hearts were destitute of the fear of God. We presented ceaseless prayer to God for your salvation. As soon as reason dawned, we poured the light of religious instruction into your mind. You can’t even remember the time when these efforts began. Have we not instructed and warned and admonished and encouraged you as we laid open to your view the narrow path that leads to eternal life? How could we endure to see our children choosing any other ways than those of wisdom and any other path than that of life? How could we bear the sight to behold you traveling along the broad road that leads to destruction and running with a multitude to do evil? O God, hide us from this sad spectacle in the grave and ere that time comes, take us to our rest. Get us out before we ever see that. How would it embitter our last moments and plant our dying pillow with thorns to leave you on earth in an unconverted state, following us to the grave but not to heaven? Or should you be called to die before us, how could we stand at the dreadful post of observation without one ray of hope to cheer our wretched spirits? How could we have sustained the dreadful thought that the very next moment after you had passed beyond our kind attentions you would be received to the torments which know neither end nor mitigation?”
Deut.6:4-7.
1) Teach them about God. Dt.6:4. Attributes. Personality. Trinity. Majesty. Love.
2) Teach them to love God. Dt.6:5. Worthy of all love, devotion, sacrifice. Pr.4:23. Go for child’s heart. Change in behavior w/o change in heart is hypocrisy.
3) Teach them to obey God. Dt.6:6. In all instruction & discipline, goal not change behavior, get under control, produce socially acceptable behavior, make polite and respectful, get them to perform for your approval. Goal is salvation and sanctification. Bring them to Christ who transforms from inside out.
4) Teach them diligently. Dt.6:7. Use everything in life to direct them to God. Teach at all times, in all situations. Start w/ Family Devotions, and then expand from there.
Conclusion
Fathers, you are Pastors of your family. Family is mini-church. Start thinking of self this way. Your job is to lead, guide and protect wife and children. They are the sheep you are responsible for. Won’t have all answers, but can lead them to Bible which has answers.
Confession of a father: “My family’s all grown and the kids are all gone. But if I had to do it all over again, this is what I would do. I would love my wife more in front of my children. I would laugh with my children more at our mistakes and our joys. I would listen to my children more, even to the littlest one. I would be more honest about my weaknesses and not pretend perfection. I would pray differently for my family. Rather than focusing on them, I’d focus on me. I would do more things with my children. I would encourage them more and bestow more praise. I would pay more attention to little things, like deeds and words of thoughtfulness. And then, finally, if I had to do it all over again, I would share God more intimately with my family. Out of every ordinary thing of every ordinary day I would point them to God.”
Dads, this job is more important than what you do at work. This is more important than TV or cars or football or fishing. This has eternal ramifications. This is your work – bring your children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Will you apply yourself to this work with all your might? I truly hope so. Let’s pray.
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